Sample letterMarch 16, 2011
The basics, just to aid the thinking process. I think you can come up with a great letter.
I appreciated the trip we took to Michigan City and loved having some time alone with you. I think you misunderstood when I said that we should do it more often, because it is not a question of simply wanting to spend time together or my not understanding that time is tight and I need to share you with others. It’s a question of whether our relationship will survive as we come to know less and less about each other. I would like to clarify what I need for our relationship to grow so we don’t discover when I am 18 that we no longer know each other and have nothing to say.
We need to get together for two hours at least once a month to have a meal, with no interruptions and no other people present. The meal must take place at a restaurant to ensure that we are able to talk privately. We could take a walk together or wander through the mall afterward, but any activity after the meal must be one during which we can talk. I am not asking to talk about anything specific, but only to keep our communications open so if I do need to discuss anything of grave importance with you we will have the type of relationship that allows me to feel comfortable doing so.
This year I will turn 13 and my life is going to become busier than ever, just as yours is busy. We need to make time for each other so neither of us is left behind. It’s important to me to have a relationship with you. I would like for it to grow as I do, so I will always have you in my life. Without time spent communicating on a regular basis, our relationship will fail. We shouldn’t allow that to happen.
I love you.
**** 3/26/2011 You sent a version of this letter that you made your own tonight (you are quite a writer!), and you were scared. I was scared right along with you, but am also thinking of your value. I can’t imagine your dad would want to lose everything that you are from his life. I am sending up hope that he will respond in a positive fashion and that you two will get your monthly meetings alone. I am very proud of you for participating in your relationship with your dad. You have a right to ask; you have a right to help define it. ****