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Confounded

March 29, 2011

I am. Confounded. Though I have experienced the total disconnect you are experiencing now, I really thought it would go better for you. I thought he would notice you. I thought he would care enough to work at it. I have never been more wrong, sorry and dumbfounded all at the same time. I could spout platitudes intended to make you feel better, but I know they only make things worse. There’s nothing in the world like putting your vulnerable heart out on the table and having it not get smashed, but having it be completely disregarded. Not noticed. Not important enough for a response. Couple that with the upbeat invitation to come over this weekend, because he doesn’t notice that there is anything wrong, and it’s like receiving a smack in the head with a nerf bat. It doesn’t quite hurt, but leaves one feeling a little crazy.

You are not crazy. You really did put your heart out and define your needs. You really did say something. And he really is acting as if you hadn’t said a word, as if you exist in this world only by virtue of his definition of you.

There are no words, sweet girl, so I will just stop. I love you. I see you.

**** 4/3/2011 – That you could now be under attack, and that the attacker is using your own words and simple outline for a better relationship against you is mind-boggling. What he is offering is not what you requested and is an insult to your intelligence. You may say no to all of it, firmly but politely. In fact, you must say no.

And again and again and again… you have a RIGHT to participate in your own relationships and to help define them. You do not have to move, you do not have to give up daily interaction with your mother, grandmother (your mom’s mom), your beautiful sister, the academy you worked so hard to test into; you do not have to give up your friends, soccer, track or your violin. You don’t have to skip a grade (even though I don’t agree that it would make you a freak, but this is your world and I won’t presume to know what types of meanness you guys encounter at school). Your mom won’t allow any of it, kiddo. Remember that, and believe in it with all of your heart.

You do need to remain as positive as you can possibly be, and continue to repeat your needs and define boundaries for your relationship in a positive fashion. It’s really the most critical part of all of this—you need to be more positive and steady than you have ever been. Rise above it, as Grandma Beanie says.

You are coming tomorrow so we will discuss all of this, but sometimes I just have to get it out. Pick on me, but don’t pick on my sweet girl. That just plain pisses me off. Love. ****

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