It’s no big deal

April 19, 2011

And always be nice to your mommy. Those were two of the first sentences your little voice could utter after I had repeated them to you countless times. No one needed to teach you to be nice to your mom because you and she have been joined at the soul since your birth. I just like to help you to not forget to remember. Just in case.

The other sentence comes from the way a very tiny you reacted to any possibility you might be in trouble. Whenever you spilled or dropped something you would look so frightened that the sentence became something of a game with us. With each little accident I would ask,

“And what do we say?”

You would respond, “It’s NO BIG DEAL!”

That’s right. It’s not. We say it today (and yes, I see those little eye rolls when we do) because you continue to become concerned when life’s little ooopses occur. You do that because you care deeply and have a highly developed sense of responsibility. Those are good reasons to worry about the feelings and reactions of others.

We joke about those sentences now but I know they have become part of you. Repeating It’s NO BIG DEAL helped me to remember, to relearn, that the small stuff is the small stuff.

I lost that knowledge, or forgot to remember, while trying to make things perfect for others. I learned it’s impossible, regardless of how much heart and soul we put into the attempts. Differences in perception alone make it impossible.

Some people think that a quarter dropped on a hard wood floor causes enough damage to require major sanding and varnishing; others believe that the tiny dent left in the floor adds character. I believe the dent is small stuff. It’s no big deal. But each to his own sanding and varnishing.

We have seen how the person on his knees sanding and varnishing has a tendency to overlook things that are a big deal. It can be maddening to try to keep up with minutiae that engulfs another person and deal concurrently with larger issues of life. So don’t. Let the mad varnisher deal with his minutiae and keep your attention turned to things that are important to you.

Love yourself. Give of yourself to those you love. Tell them that you love them. Let them love you back. And when life’s little oopses occur, love them enough to tell them it’s no big deal.



  1. I love the last paragraph. It says so much in five simple sentences.

  2. I agree. Love the last paragraph as well. As we get older we do less sanding and more forgiving….at least I think I do.

  3. This is so beautiful. The words almost “sing.” Love it.

  4. And now I have taught what you taught me to my younger sister! (she knows it’s NO BIG DEAL)

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