When we hurt

May 9, 2011

In each person’s life there are occasions when actions or words of others cut so deeply that healing seems impossible. Healing includes building layers of emotional scar tissue over exposed, battered areas of the psyche, in an often fruitless effort to protect our soul from suffering the same pain again. Though critical to healing, that scar tissue can deprive a person of the joy of interacting with others and even block reception to love. It can make us as hard as the shell we are building around our tender inside. It can make us less approachable to others who we may have otherwise welcomed into our lives.

Hurt changes us. The scar tissue we build is hard, ugly, gnarled stuff that dulls sensation. It wraps around our soul, growing ever thicker and more impenetrable. It strangles us. It robs of us of life.

Talking about circumstances responsible for our pain allows a bit of light to shine on an area we would much rather leave in the dark. It’s painful. Sometimes it is more painful than the initial hurt. Talking is difficult because it rips open part of the scar tissue we have carefully built and leaves an open wound, vulnerable to hurt by the person with whom we are sharing our experience. When betrayal by our trusted confidant occurs, the pain can become so searing that it creates a brand on our soul, a mark that actually shows in our disposition.

We can choose to allow another person to own a part of our soul so completely that we lose access to that part and cannot balm it with positive energy to ease our pain, or we can finally and completely bar entrance into our psyche by those whose hurtful behavior never ends. We can slice right through the cord connecting us to an endless supply of negative energy and pain, leaving a smooth umbilicus around which positive energy can grow and spread. Positive energy provides us with a respite from pain, and its spread smooths the gnarled scar tissue that keeps us from accepting others whose presence in our lives can add joy and healing.

We can walk away, and we don’t have to do it alone. We can hold hands.


  1. Such a great post. I am so so thankful to have found someone I can trust with my deepest darkest secrets and hurts, someone who will protect me and provide shelter when things get tough.

  2. You are a lucky girl to have found someone you can trust. Perhaps not surprisingly, Beanie is my confidant. She’s like a steel trap with information. It’s too bad that all people can’t be as honorable and loyal as that.

  3. Lovely post today. The part about “or we can finally and completely bar entrance into our psyche by those whose hurtful behavior never ends.” is a part I needed to hear this morning.

    Im glad you are fortunate to have a person like Beanie in your life.

  4. I enjoyed the imagery a great deal. Excellent sentiment. Very pretty.

  5. I hope it serves to cement a memory of this information in my granddaughter’s mind. There are some not-so-nice people out there.

    @Ms. Maiden – I am thrilled to have Beanie in my life. Too bad we can’t bottle and sell Essence Au Beanie. :)

  6. I love this post. I think that pain is so raw that often some of the best relationships grow out of it. When else can you see someone’s true self besides when they are open and hurting?

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