Can’t beet um? Beat ’em!

October 31, 2012

Finally! An essay to help the wrest of us rest some understanding out of the complexities of the English language…how to rite good and ejaculate explicate articulate even better.

I always new I would rite about language someday. I just have so many idea’s that I needed to pick one—no small feet, that—because I am a very vernacular person. Me and my friend’s discoursed many option’s over the year’s, from which I could choose from. Too narrow my choice’s, we came up with a great idea. Our world has cum to be very small cuz of the Internet, and I can talk about posting on Facebook and commenting online, and show example’s of good language skills. At the end of the day, its a win-win. We will all understand each other better, and I will have convoluted to society.

Just a few tip’s for speaking first:

When speaking, remember to end each sentence with a high note, as if you are asking a question. This practice show’s that you are curious about the person(s) with whom you are speaking too, and interested in the conversation.

It’s important to annunciate (forgive us, Mother Mary) in a fashion that reflect’s your individuality. Though the possibility’s are limitless, the annunciation of certain popular word’s and phrase’s (below) can get you started, and generally, mixing up vowel sound’s are a simple way to sound truly hip. Replace the long ‘e’ sound in the words feel, real, steal, heal, peel, deal, eel, keel, meal, kneel, seal and teal with a short ‘i’ sound to make fill, rill, still, pill, dill, ill, kill, mill, nil, sill, till to give your speach a truly interesting sound. Switching the long ‘a’ sound with a short ‘e’ sound and vice versa is quiet popular as well, as in the following example: “That feemell reached out to my man, and I told her, HALE no!” Some people even replace the short ‘e’ sound with a short ‘u’ sound such as, luft rather than left; deprussion rather than depression; kwustions rather than questions. It’s an interesting sound, for some. For a bit more pizzazz, have fun with other vowel sound replacement’s in your daily speach.

And one last speach tip: use a hard ‘g’ as in the word goat for each ‘ng’ in any given word. The word’s singing and hanging, and other’s, take on new personality and are sure to get you noticed. Think about using the following pronounciation’s in your daily speach:

  • Newkyalar
  • Old timer’s disease
  • Off ten (i.e.: she off ten tells me her secrets)
  • Nupshuals
  • A whole nother
  • Take for granite
  • Spade (we had to have the dog spade)
  • Masonary
  • Calvary (the calvary is coming)
  • Lairnix
  • Foilage
  • A blessing in the sky
  • Jewlery
  • Orientate
  • Irregardless
  • Valumptuous
  • Drownd
  • Excetra
  • Realator
  • Revelant
  • Bob wire
  • Supposably
  • Expresso
  • Tiawana (in Mexico)

In general riting and conversating, it’s good to use common word’s and phrases so others will understand you and will also see that you are in tune to popular culture as well. Going forward, remember to use the below word’s and phrase’s as often as possible. You will then sound just like the majority of the population and they will all understand you.

  • Going forward
  • At the end of the day
  • On the same page
  • Totally
  • Awesome
  • Amazing
  • I was sitting there (even when standing or otherwise moving about)
  • Basically
  • Literally
  • Random
  • At the same time
  • By all accounts (no need to account for all of the accounts, it’s just a good sounding phrase)
  • Just
  • Share
  • I’m good
  • As well
  • Closure
  • Baby bump (there is nothing at all demeaning about referring to a growing human as a “bump”, and moms-to-be love the attention called to their increasing girth)
  • Seriously?
  • Really?
  • Ridiculous
  • I was like
  • Fail
  • Reach out to (make a phone call or make contact)
  • Outside of the box
  • All of a sudden
  • Very
  • I’m like
  • She goes (or he goes)
  • Like
  • 24/7
  • LOL
  • True fact(s)
  • Epic
  • Absolutely
  • Whatever
  • The fact that (don’t worry weather you are speaking about facts; it sounds smart)
  • Like
  • Evidently (no need to discuss evidence; use of the word IS your apparent evidence)
  • Like
  • Apparently (use to show that things are apparent to U, as the opinions of others are not part of your discourse)
  • Like
  • That being said (or that said, or having said that)

The use of dot dot dot’s (ellipsis) is a great way to show other’s that you are pensive…they can be used to show where you pause…and think…showing that you are very intellectual…and also think very often too. Some people may tell you that the use of ellipsis is too show that something has been omitted from the text…and…that could be true…to…but also remind them that American’s have the right to they’re freedom of expression and speach. If you loose your train of thought while riting……………ad more dot dot dot’s.

Included in freedom of expression and speach is the use of inspiring phrase’s spoken or rote by others. If you don’t remember who said or rote the quotation…don’t worry! Place the word’s in “quotation marks” when you post it online and call it a day! People who know how to use quotation mark’s will understand. Otherwise, some dead guy prolly rote the word’s anyway, so why wood he care if you use them in a Facebook posting? LOL! People often comment to say how smart you are, too! Always remember to say thank you! LOL!

Quotation mark’s also have other grate uses, too! You can place them around any word or phrase for emphasis…it won’t mean that the word’s within the quotation mark’s may actually have another meaning…or that quotation mark’s could possibly be used to denote sarcasm. In the sentence, This is an essay on “grammar and usage,” you can see how I used the quotation mark’s to emphasize what type of document this is.

Old ideas about usage of Capital Letter’s have been changing…people are now using them to Emphasize word’s. The same goes for usage of lower case letter’s…u can type faster not using Capital’s on a Cell Phone, so why not do the same when commenting online? Freedom of expression and speach was the gratest idea our fondling foundling fathers cud have ever thought of!!!

Don’t be afraid of word’s. The English language has million’s of word’s to help us get our point accrost. The smiling teacher in Harry Chapins song, Flowers Are Red, said that there are so many colors in a flower, so let’s use every one! Let’s Use Every Word! If you have any doubt about the definition of a word, see how it look’s in your sentence. If it look’s good…GO FOR IT! As for spelling, the way that a word sounds is the important part of language, so spell things just how they sound to you. FOR RILL!!! We all have similar fillings, so we can get our emoticons accrost with spelling just as thing’s sound in our head’s. :) Just ignore the red squiggly line’s under word’s in ur document…expecially if you are trying to be creative with ur riting. We all have a right to be creative, at the end of the day.

And you can NEVER! HAVE!! TO MUCH PUNCTUATION!!?!!?!! Punctuation is grate…we can mix it up and use it 2 show how excited we are!!!!!!!!!!!! Throw in a question mark or too along with ur exclamation points because they look so cool in there!?!!? If you don’t like a YouTube video about ghost’s or alien’s you can just type: FAKE!?! Its simple and show’s that you can make your position known with a single word and some handy punctuation! Didn’t some dead guy say to “omit needless words”?!!? LOL!

One comment

  1. An award for you…but just wanted to let you know…I think you deserve them all personally…but you choose:

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